Steel City Derby Demons

THE COMPLETE HIGHLIGHT OF THE BLITZBURGH BOMBERS BOUT.

When: Saturday May 19th.

The Blitzburgh Bombers came out to entertain tonight, putting on a coordinated display of dancing, stomping, and paper airplane-launching which delighted the crowd. Then they proceeded to delight the crowd with a big win over the Mass Attack All-Stars. Groovy Hott Lovey Cakes, aka G-Love, got things going early with a power move around the outside to win a 3-0. This would be her last bout with Steel City as she’ll be taking her power, speed, and smarts off to New York City to earn her PhD. Tonight she played with great energy and intensity, seemingly involved in every play, and reminding the crowd who and what they’ll be missing. The Blitzburgh Bombers’ blockers put on a very strong showing right from the get-go, featuring Inga Knee’her’s ability to consistently drive jammers out of bounds and the hard-hitting duo of Vicious Virus and Hissyfit. Ada Bloodlace and G-Love contributed 9 and 10 points, respectively to the Bombers early lead while Yerwerst NME’s ability to find holes and Dorkus Maximus’s quick and agile skating as both a jammer and a blocker kept Mass Attack close until a big 18 points from a slaloming G-Love more than doubled the lead as Sofa King What was constantly driven to the back of the pack by Inga Knee’her. With 15 minutes to go, the Bombers led 45-14.

The scoring stayed low for a few jams until Pistol Gete forced a cut from Dorkus Maximus. Then, as Whiskey Mick and REO Speedwagon cleared the pack, G-Love scored another 14 to open the lead up to 67-14. Then Sofa King What won a 3-2 jam, showing her toughness by absorbing a big hit from Hissyfit as Jem Dizzle put a big block on Ada Bloodlace. But three jams later, Jam Dizzle found herself goated for several laps by Vicious Virus and Hissyfit and Ada Bloodlace used the third Blitzburgh powerjam of the half to tally 23 and stretch the lead up to 80 points. Mass Attack had a great opportunity to answer as RedRuM Blur went to the box early setting up a powerjam for Swizzle Stix. But Inga Knee’her, G-Love, Daley Dose, and REO Speedwagon stepped up a defense so strong that not only did they shut out the powerjam but RedRuM Blur was able to return and grab lead out of the box. The half ended with a 107-25 Blitzburgh Bombers advantage.

Helen Fire opened the second half by cranking out a triple grand-slam for Steel City as Pistol Gete kept Karma Snow Joke under control until cleared by Jam Dizzle. Despite only bringing nine skaters, Mass Attack did not let up for the entire bout. Dorkus Maximus and Yerwerst NME answered with shutout defense of their own and Sofa King What got back a 4-0. Hissyfit took to the jam line and sped around the pack for 25 points as Vicious Virus kept up an assault on Karma Snow Joke and Daley Dose kept the debuting Mass Attack skater Emma Killtrocity in the pack. As the jam ended, Emma Killtrocity was sent to the box and Helen Fire added on another 24 in the ensuing powerjam. To add insult to injury, upon Emma Killtrocity’s return she was sent flying back into the penalty area by a big hit from Whiskey Mick and the score was 171-33. Four jams later, Whiskey Mick forced a track cut from Sis Boom Bonnie, and Hissyfit scored another 20 on the powerjam bringing the lead to 209-40 with a quarter to go.

Emma Killtrocity got her revenge, forcing a track cut from Pistol Gete and setting her squad up with a powerjam. Dorkus Maximus at first dodged around Vicious Virus long enough to score 7 but on a subsequent pass, found herself recycled to the back again and again by the pint-sized powerhouse until Pistol Gete could return to the track. Two jams after a subsequent ten-spot from Ada Bloodlace, G-Love drew a back block from Sofa King What. Then G-Love cleared out two-thirds of a wall to clear the way for Helen Fire to score 24 and raise the score to 246-53. With less than four minutes to go, Oscar de la Hurtya quietly slid past the pack twice on the inside as Vicious Virus drew a back block from Emma Killtrocity. Inga Knee’her donned the star but wound up committing her own back block. Emma Killtrocity returned with a fire in her eyes and rattled off 9 points, the biggest jam for Mass Attack on the night, fighting her way through lots of hits. With only three seconds remaining, Sofa King What, epitomizing the indefatigable MARD nine, skated out the entire two-minute jam to add on another 15 and bring the final to 275-77.

written by: Michael Frighten’d

Nightmare on 95 has come to a close, but for the Steel Hurtin’ it was our most successful season to date. Over all we placed 4th, which is great due to our tough competition that we bouted against.

Our first bout was against Montreal with a Hurtin’ victory of 134 over 88.

Next came Gotham’s victory 404 - 30. (one day we will defeat them.)

Then finally Charm City’s victory 189 - 94.

Although we are not going to Nationals, we still held up a great fight and deserved our spot.  The three teams advancing are Gotham, Philly and Charm.

There is no reason why we can’t top 2011 next year. We will have the number 3 spot (if not number 2) Let’s kick some derby ass.